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Friday, December 31, 2010

Emotional Debt


Today we celebrate our daughter Rose.  She would have been 8 today.  Eight!  The time has gone fast, but at moments it's been slow.  We've added three more children to our family since she left us (we now have five here).  If you don't know about our daughter Rose, she was stillborn at 38 weeks.  Born eleven days from her due date, fully grown, 7lbs. 7oz.  What a treasure it was to hold her, and the most difficult thing I've ever done was losing her.  Handing her over for the last time to the nurse who just came on duty is almost indescribable.  The pain burned into a mother's heart takes a long time to heal.  It's not natural or normal to give up your child and continue living when they cannot.

Yet our family continued on.  With the love of God, family and friends who shared our sorrow and healing we turned into better people.  But there were some financial decisions made during those first couple years that we wished we hadn't made.

We felt bad for our other two children at the time, not having a sister that they should have had.  Some of the purchases were a little over the top and we borrowed money that we fully intended to pay back within a year.  That didn't happen and we are still paying on those decisions made back then.

So the point of this post is encourage others that may be going through a difficult time or grieving to try not to heal with buying stuff you can't afford.  It won't work.  Tough times don't last forever and grief takes time to work through.

*Update:  Here's what we did on her birthday night:




 top image credit: photoxpress/loribogetti

3 comments:

  1. Kris, You are an amazing mom. I can't grasp the pain you feel, but I can pray that God continue to comfort you and Mike as well as the rest of the family.
    Rose, you are forever in my heart, I get great peace knowing we will all be together again one day. Love, Grandma Mary

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  2. Kris, Thanks for posting this and the photos of your party on FB. Cass and I can hardly believe it was 8 years ago; it seemed like a long time ago to us, honestly, but yet I too remember the details of that time like it was yesterday.

    It was such a painful time, and look at all that God has done since then. You have a powerful testimony of His faithfulness and comfort, and although I wouldn't have wished those circumstances on you or anyone else, Rose's life speaks volumes to the preciousness of each and every human being as a good creation from a loving Father.

    One of the most poingnant things I remember is how nearly on the same day as you delivered Rose another friend of ours had a healthy baby girl, and the mother had said what a special song "I Can Only Imagine" by Mac Powell was to her. Ironically, of course, that was the one that was special to your family at Rose's funeral. I remember thinking how unfair the whole thing was, but when I hear the song now it doesn't have the same sort of sting of reality as it did back then.

    Thanks for being who only you can be! Love you now and always!! <3

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  3. You're making me cry! What sweet, kind words to share. I'm incredibly thankful you were there the day of her funeral. It wasn't easy for any of us, our friends and family included, but your presence spoke louder than any words could.

    While we'll never know why we had to lose her and then have two miscarriages, I believe that God has a plan for every life, even those that don't seem to take flight. How wonderful to have a Godly vision-even when I have little grasp on it, I still know His wisdom is far better than any plan I could come up with.

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